You see a King, I see a Usurper [private]

Cats surrounded him, their growls filling his ears, overwhelming him. They padded closer, their growls growing louder, eventually turning to rage-filled screams. He cowered as they closed in on him.

"You're a terrible leader!"

"You were never meant to be King."

"Rainfang wouldn't have let this happen!"

"My kits are starving!"

Their featureless forms wailed at him. The ground below felt unstable, like he could fall through, dirt filling his mouth, suffocating him.

He opened his eyes and Skystar stood before him. "You were my biggest regret."

Claws and teeth sank into him, covering his entire body with wounds. Rowanstar screeched.

Something furry nudged his shoulder, and he gasped for air, his eyes open in an instant. "Wh-what?!" he said. He sat up in an instant, regretting it as nausea smacked him like a badger's paw.

He stood slowly, stretching for a moment. "Right, hunting, gotcha," he said. One of his Clanmates wanted to hunt with him. That was normal. He peered in-between the lichen that draped over his den. Outside was white.

Right, leafbare. It was cold. Cats were hungry. He needed to feed them. His stomach growled. When was the last time he'd eaten?

He couldn't remember.

They came first. They--wait...

For the first time, Rowanstar recognized his brother in front of him. When was the last time Rainfang wanted to hunt with him?

He couldn't remember.

Should he trust him? They were brothers, but so much happened, there was such a massive rift between them. Was Rainfang still bitter?

Rowanstar couldn't help but feel guilty, as if what happened to his brother was his fault in some way. He had to constantly remind himself that Rainfang made his choices, and that he had no influence over Skystar's decision to make him heir. By the time he was named heir, he was used to the idea of his brother being DawnClan's future King. He feared his brother's reign, but intended to respect it. Hell, he didn't want to be the leader, but StarClan knew Rosecloud probably wouldn't have done any better, what with how ill she always was. This was his position, his Clan, his reality. Whether or not he was meant to be here was something else entirely.

He took a deep breath. "Ready when you are," he said.

Rainfang uttered only a few words, and for that Rowanstar was thankful. He was too tired--in more ways than one--for a long conversation. A hunting trip through the fields would be enough for him, and then he'd have to spend the rest of the day training his apprentices. He shuddered at the thought. The only brightside to training was that, with three apprentices, he could set them up to practice their skills, call it a training session, and head to his den for the night. Rowanstar sighed.

"Where to my liege?" his brother had asked. Rowanstar bared his teeth at Rainfang for a moment. "Oh please, you of all cats should know that I'm not into any of that formality bullshit in one-on-one conversations," he said, sadness tearing through him. He wished his Clanmates felt closer to him.

If he wasn't their leader, could he have normal relationships with them? Could he have the close bonds he desired? Would he have a mate and a lovely litter of healthy, happy kittens by now?

It's been almost a year now, he thought. StarClan, turn back time and stop Rainfang from attacking the badger that ruined my life.

Rowanstar waved his tail for his brother to follow, then padded out of his den and out of DawnClan's camp. "Lead the way," he said. He paused for a moment, his ears burning with embarrassment, before adding, "It's important that I know where my warriors hunt most often... so I can keep track of where they might be in an emergency, and where prey is most common." He cleared his throat.

Too much time passed between them.

Rowanstar followed Rainfang, a fox-length between them. He noticed they were close to the setts, and a bleak joke popped into his head: Was Rainfang coming back here for round two? He twitched his whiskers at his joke before his gaze settled on his brother's twisted paw: Rainfang was an ass, but he didn't deserve to be made fun of. Despite his aggressive behavior, there was no denying that the gray tomcat was a damn hard worker and, though he would've made numerous questionable choices had he become King, he'd have made every one with his Clan in mind; besides, Rowanstar learned in the past few moons that there was no such thing as a perfect choice.

Lost in thought, Rowanstar barely heard his brother's question. When he finally processed it, he hesitated for a few moments. Should he lie? No, if he wanted to do that he should've done it sooner--too much time went by, and Rainfang would know for certain that he was being lied to. If he told the truth, however, Rainfang would no doubt nag him.

And there it was again: an imperfect decision. For every choice, a consequence.

Rowanstar took a deep breath, standing tall, and said, "Too long ago. I'll send a patrol out here as soon as I can to ensure the badgers won't be an immediate danger this season."

He padded forward, standing by Rainfang's side, and opened his mouth slightly, scenting for prey.