Lost in the Chaos (Open/Tagged) Mar 11, 2018 23:37:57 GMT
Post by Dusk on Mar 11, 2018 23:37:57 GMT
Mallowpaw could barely remember what smiling felt like. From the moment her brother - her brother, dearer than dear, her brother whom she associated with the feeling of bubbling laughter, her brother, a part of her as much as her heartbeat - disappeared into the roaring waters the muscles that made it effortless seemed to stiffen. The moment replayed itself in her mind constantly, even in her dreams, and she almost longed for a moment where she could forget it. She didn’t say the right thing, she didn’t stop him, she couldn’t even warn him before he was gone. They searched for days among the banks. Not even a hair from his fur surfaced. The water consumed, all, even the unwilling, even when he had loved ones who would give their very lives if it meant Rockkit could live. She didn’t go to the river anymore. She couldn’t even hear its distant roar without feeling like she was going to collapse, returning to that very moment when she looked down and saw Rockkit disappear.
She had to leave camp. She wrestled with this for days, now, and realized she couldn’t hide in camp forever. Her family would be there for Rockkit if he returned and, perhaps, she would have better luck finding him somewhere else. She doubted anyone would notice. The clans had been in turmoil as well. Many had died - including a leader - and some had left. Even fellow Rippleclan apprentices were dead. Mallowpaw carried the ache of their deaths on her shoulders as well as those of her brother. No cat hadn’t lost someone. But why? Was Starclan against them? She was tired of wondering. But where would her paws carry her? As Mallowpaw left, she slipped into a dream. It was hard to dream, but it lessened the ache a little. She was Rainstar, leading her clan courageously. She was fierce and beautiful and had a glorious life before her.. No, even Rainstar suffered. She had seen little of her clan’s leader but Rainstar, too, was heavy. Then she would be a rogue, carefree, with the whole world at her paws. Mallowpaw craved companionship. Mallowpaw feared the days to come. Mallowpaw was lonely even as she mourned with her family. If anything, she was even lonelier with her family because she could feel more clearly the hollow gap in it that her brother filled. But this rogue would be happy. This rogue wouldn’t fear the water.
Walking was more wearying than she thought it would be. Everything was wearying, really, but it had a reward. She stumbled into a clearing with the weight of pain unshaken by any daydreams still on her shoulders and relished in the silence. There was no river, here, or any water at all. It didn’t even have any puddles from the recent rain, where sue could see her reflection and be reminded of her nearly-identical brother. No, it was as peaceful here as it was going to get.
Mallowpaw looked up at the grey, rain-saturated clouds and wondered if she would ever feel peaceful again.
OOC: If anyone else feels inclined to throw themselves in here, feel free.